A Shaman King Cinderella
by Mikora
Summary: (REDONE) My first - and only - parody so far. The characters of Shaman King are plunged into crossdressing, oversized rears and more! (Still not a great summary...)


Note: Yup. This version is a redo, since it was in script format before. 'Tis very random and weird, and a written a bit awkwardly since I had to change it from script to story, but yeah... enjoy it anyway!

Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King or Windex. Dammit. ... Or, Cinderella and the Teletubbies, but who cares about those.  
  
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"Once upon a nutcase's mind, there was a gir- I mean boy," said the Narrator. "For some terrible, disturbing reason, he wore dresses."  
  
"I like dresses! They make me feel pretty!" Asakura Yoh said cheerfully as he twirled around in the dress that he was currently wearing.  
  
Yoh's actions only made the Narrator blink and shake his head sadly. "Erm, yes, whatever then. Anyhoo, she - I mean HE - lived with his evil stepmother and stepsisters. ... Er, I mean stepfather and stepbrothers. So, here's how this twisted, insane story starts."  
  
A young, cross-dressing boy zoomed from room to room, with a broom in hand. As he did a remarkably bad job of cleaning, he sung with a voice almost as terrible as the job he was doing. "Somethingsomething... er, if you're spirit is strooooong! You could be the one! Ba dum ba dum ba dum..."  
  
Then, Asakura Yoh's two stepbrothers – Ren and Horo Horo – walked into the room. The two boys were also wearing dresses, though they were not ragged and dirty like Yoh's, but clean and well kept. At least, Ren's azure dress was clean. Horo Horo had managed to get seventeen different spills and twenty-one different stains all over his pink gown.  
  
The two waddled over to Yoh - who was still singing and running like a madman – but then they stopped when they noticed something other than their dresses.

"Why is my behind so damn big?" hissed Ren as he craned his neck to look at his rear.

"Hm? Hey, you're right!" exclaimed the blue-haired Horo Horo. "Oh, oh! Maybe they're inflated! Let's see!" Then, he pulled a sharp pin out of nowhere and poked his freakishly large butt with it.

No words came from the two for a moment, before Horo Horo screeched, "OW! That hurt!"

Ren sighed and shook his head sadly as he decided to ignore it. Instead, he called to the singing Yoh. "Yo! Stop running around and singing!"

The boy immediately stopped infront of him and saluted. "Yes, sir!"

"When you're finished sweeping the floors PROPERLY, clean the chimney, then wash all of the dishes!"

Yoh frowned. "But I just finished doing-"

"Silence!" interjected Horo Horo. "Or we'll crush you with our gigantic tushies of doooooom!" Then, as if on cue, sinister music began to play in the background and a bolt of lightning managed to sneak into the house and flash behind Horo Horo.

Yoh sighed and nodded as he returned to sweeping in silence.

Just then, the "fiend" Amidamaru floated in, waving around a letter in his hand... somehow. "Ren, Sti- I mean, Horo Horo! The Shaman Prince is holding a ball to determine his-"His words trailed off as he noticed that he, too, was in a dress. "Whoa."

"To determine what?" Ren said eagerly.

"And... don't you mean princESS? It's a girl, right?" Horo Horo tilted his head slightly to the side as he stared at the ghost.

Then, Amidamaru's eyes shrunk. "AHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed, sounding much like a young female as he did. "NOOOO! AHHH!" He zoomed around the house as he continued to scream girlishly.

When the ghost began to dash around the house, he had dropped the letter. Ren sighed and picked it up. His golden eyes began to speed from left to right. Horo Horo watched Amidamaru for a second before bouncing over to Ren to read over his shoulder.

In the background, Amidamaru had stopped wailing. "Wait... did I just scream like a-? ... AHHHH! NOOOOO!" He began to scream even louder and fly even faster, now that he realized that he sounded like a woman.

Suprisingly, the three boys managed to ignore the hysterical samurai.

The letter fluttered to the floor like a crisp leaf on an autumn day when the Chinese shaman dropped it out of shock. "The Shaman Princess is holding a ball to find her groom who will later become Shaman King..." he said breathlessly.

Horo Horo, who had not read much of the letter, pumped his fists in the air and let out an enthusiastic "Wahoo!"

"We have to go! Anna is a repulsive little nag, but if I marry her, I get to be Shaman King!" Ren said, rubbing his hands together.

"Yeah!" agreed the snowboarder. "If one of us accomplishes this, at least the other will get to be the brother of the Shaman King!"

The two fell into a state of silence as Ren stared at Horo Horo.

"... What? You're not going to do hurt me again are you?" asked Horo Horo, his voice trembling as he spoke.

"No... but I never knew you knew the word 'accomplish'."

"I'm not that stupid, you know..."

Ren shook his head. "Nevermind, we have to get ready!"

The blue-haired boy nodded in agreement as the two dashed off.

As soon as he was sure they were gone, Yoh walked over to the letter and picked it up. "Oh, I wish I could go. But I've got so many chores that I'm booked solid for two months..." he said with a sigh. "Ah well..."

The Narrator quickly picked up a trumpet and attempted to blow it several times. When he failed, he tossed it aside, grumbling. "Two weeks later, the night of the ball..." he simply announced.

Meanwhile, the samurai ghost was still floating back and forth frantically and, suprisingly, still screaming like a schoolgirl.

"I wonder if he's okay," said Yoh, who had sat down to watch him on his break.

Tao Ren simply shrugged. "Eh, we'll just have to go by ourselves then, don't we?"

Horo Horo opened up the closet at the end of the hall and waited until Amidamaru dashed into it, before locking the door. "Yep."

Ren stood over his stepbrother and pointed a finger at him. "Now Yoh, don't you DARE leave the house and/or get a fairy godmidget to turn you into a pretty-boy so you can go to the ball and steal Anna from us so we can't be Shaman King," he said, and all in one breath.

"That was oddly specific," Yoh replied.

"Hush, or we'll sit on you with our giant bottoms of deeeeeeeath!" shouted Horo Horo menacingly.

"I thought you had gigantic tushies of doom," Yoh pointed out.

An awkward silence filled the room, until Horo Horo broke it. "Ah, well, bye!" He grabbed his brother's wrist and immediately dashed out the front door.

"Oh, how I wish I could go. I could become Shaman King, and be married to Anna! I heard from that shady-looking man that she's super nice. Hmm, didn't he have a sign on his back that said 'liar'? Oh well..." the lonely boy said to himself as he began to dust.

Suddenly, Oyamada Manta was lowered down from the ceiling, dressed in a frilly white dress and flimsy, plastic fariy wings. He dangled from a wire, which was being controlled by an alcoholic middle-aged man named Bob. "Yoooooh," he whispered, his voice echoing for some reason.

He stopped and looked at him. "Oh, hiya. Are you my Fairy Godmidget?" he asked.

Manta sighed as an anime sweatdrop appeared momentarily beside his head. "No... I'm your Fairy GodFRIEND!" he corrected.

"You look like a Fairy Godmidget to me."

"Well, I'm NOT."

Yoh pulled out a blank sheet of paper and wrote Manta's ideal name on it with a red marker. He passed it up to Bob, who drew an arow pointing to Manta, and then lowered it so that it hung by his head. Yoh beamed and gave Bob a thumb-up as he took a swig of beer.

Manta shook his head sadly and muttered about his contract. "Anyway, moving on..." he growled. "I'm going to change you so you can go to the ball and become Shaman King!"

Yoh snickered and pointed at him. "Even after what I did to you... Fairy Godmidget?"

"It's in the script, Yoh..."

"Ohhh... OH! Right then, go ahead."

Sarah, the stage manager, tossed a pair of glass sandals and a pretty blue dress at Manta, who barely managed to catch them. He handed the clothing to Yoh. "There you are."

Yoh changed into it and twirled happily. "I feel even more pretty now!"

The "Fairy Godmidget" pointed to a teapot and a pair of mice as an enlarged version of the pot, and two horses were forced onto the set. "There."

Yoh bent over slightly to bow, but then remembered he could curtsey, thanks to his dress. Giggling like mad, he did so as he gave his thanks.

Lyserg and Ryu, who had the misfortune of being the horses, both put on an annoyed look. Ryu stamped his hoof as he snorted, "What crappy roles we have!"

Lyserg bobbed his head in agreement. "Don't we?"

Manta snapped his fingers. "Oh yeah, you have to be back by midnight, 'cause that's when the clothes have to be- I mean, 'cause that's when the spell wears off..."

"What'll happen if I don't?" he asked.

"You'll be left buck naked, that's what," replied Manta rather bluntly.

"Oh, okay. Will do."

"Ah, but they will last if you take them off."

"Okay then. Thank you, and bye!"

"And so, Yoh rode off in his demented carriage with the two horses who got the worst roles in this twisted FanFiction," said the Narrator.

Yoh stumbled out of his carriage and stood stared at the castle. He whistled in amazement. "Big place."

Then, an unfortunate vallet walked up to him and said in his semi-matured voice, "Would you like your teapot parked, ma- I mean, sir?"

The shaman's eyes widened as he karate chopped the poor thing in the neck. "I won't be threatened by a loser like you!"

The vallet immediately sunk to the ground. Yoh simply walked over him and headed into the castle.

"Inside..."

Anna sat on her throne, with an enormous line of boys infront of her. She rolled her eyes and sighed as the next one came before her.

Faust walked up to her and offered the young girl a bouquet of dead flowers. "Marry me?" he said hopefully.

"No, because you're too old and you're heart belongs to someone else, remember?" Anna said in a bored voice.

"Damn straight!" Eliza said testily as she led Faust away.

Then, as Anna called out the word 'next', Chocolove came up to her. He, unlike Faust, held a bouquet of living flowers. "Marry ME?"

She bit her lip and began to nod slowly when Chocolove accidently made the flowers squirt water into her face.

"Hell no. NEXT!" Anna snapped as she wiped water off of her face.

After Chocolove walked away sadly, Horo Horo bounced up. "Hi! Will you marry me so I can become Shaman King?" he asked.

Her eyes moved from his hair to his gut before she shook her head and yelled the 'N' word.

"NEXT!"

The snowboarder simply shrugged and ran towards the buffet table. In his place, Ren appeared with a smirk – which was supposed to make him appear charming, mind you – plastered on his face. "Marry me, my dear Princess?"

"No way, Sharkie," was her blunt response.

Suddenly, he bursted into tears. "Why does everyone mock me haaaaaaaair?!" he wailed before running away.

"Tch. Next, please!"

Asakura Hao stepped up, in all his bishounen glory. "Hello, my darling Anna."

"No. I slapped you once, remember? What do you think that meant?"

"But maybe you chaaaaanged!"

"Trust me, bub. I didn't. NEXT!" Anna screeched, kicking poor Hao-sama aside.

"At the end of the line..."

Yoh smiled as he waited patiently for his turn. "It's about 7:00, at the rate Anna's going, it should be about 20 minutes before I'm there!"

9:00

"Yep. Aaaaaaany minute now. I can feel it in my gut! ... Wait, no. I just need the washroom! EEP!"

11:30

Yoh stepped towards the Shaman Princess. "Finally! Hey, Anna! Will you please marry me?"

She raised an eyebrow at the cross-dressing boy. "First of all... why are you wearing a dress, may I ask?"

"It makes me feel pretty!" Yoh replied merrily.

Anna gave Yoh a face that said 'are you kidding?' before glancing at the clock, then Yoh, then the remaining men in the line, who were all well over their sixties. "Augh, I have to pick a groom before 12:00 or I have to watch five whole hours of Teletubbies," she muttered. Anna looked up at Yoh, who was beaming at her. "Well, fine. But you have to dance with me and NEVER wear a dress again if we get married, kapeesh?"

"Okay then!"

"And so," sighed the Narrator, "Anna and Yoh went onto the balcony and danced."

"----, you just stepped on my foot!" snapped Anna.

"I'll promise to never to that again if you promise not to swear a lot."

"Deal."

"But then, the clocks suddenly rung twelve times. It was 12:00. Gasp..." said the Narrator, making a pathetic attempt to sound shocked "and/or worried", as he was instructed.

"Hmm... there's something about 12:00 that's really important but I can't remember... hmMAH!" Yoh screamed and jumped away from Anna as his clothes began to disappear. "EEK! Must run away!" He kicked off his glass sandals and jumped off the balcony.

"Hey, you meanie!" Anna shouted. "Don't leave without telling me your name!"

But Yoh could not hear her, for he was already running down the street, with only a pair of sensors on.

Anna's eyes widened. "Ew. Now I'm traumatized forever."

The rejects suddenly appeared around her, all grinning and holding bouquets of flowers. Anna sweatdropped in response before taking Yoh's sandals and walking away.

"Back at Yoh's house..."

Yoh got lucky on that night, for he came home in time to put on his normal clothes and resume dusting. He stopped when Ren and Horo Horo walked through the door.

Ren sniffed and began to complain about how his hair was always critisized while Horo Horo finished off a platter of chicken wings that the castle had given him to make him leave.

"How'd it go?" Yoh asked them casually.

Ren only continued to complain and sob, and Horo Horo attempted to speak with his mouth full, but only showered Yoh with bits of food.

"Er, forget I asked."

"Two days later, Anna went around the kingdom, seeing if anyone could fit the sandals. Why could she just not look for the face of Yoh? Who knows. Ironically, she arrived at the house of Yoh, Ren, Horo Horo and Amidamaru last."

Anna sighed. "I hope he's in here," she whispered after knocking on their door.

Ren opened the door, dressed in a fluffy purple bathrobe. Uner his arm as a box of tissues and he held several boxes of chocolate in hand. Horo Horo stood behind him, trying to snatch one of his chocolates. "Yes?" the Chinese shaman said while slapping his brother's hand at each of his attempts.

"Er, does anyone in the house fit these?" Anna asked hopefully.

"I don't know. Want to see?" Ren asked.

She nodded and walked into the house. Horo Horo sat down and attempted to shove his foot in the sandal, but it would not fit. "Oh well."

"I-I-I can't. I just can't! Don't make me! Waaaaaaaaugh!" Ren wailed. He ran past Yoh, who was coming down the stairs with an empty bottle of Windex in hand.

"We're out of Windex," he declared.

Anna stared at Yoh. "You look really farmiliar. But you're way too ugly and lower-class to be him..."

"Hey..."

"But try these on anyway." Anna carelessly tossed the delicate pair of sandals over to Yoh, almost causing them to break.

Yoh easily slipped it on. "Whoo! Nif-tay! I'm gonna run laps! Wheeeeeee!" He dropped the empty Windex bottle on the floor and began to run laps around the house, until he tripped over the bottle and somehow broke the sandals. "Oops."

The future Shaman Queen shrugged. "Oh well. You fit them anyway, so I guess you're marrying me."

The Narrator yawned before concluding the story, "And so, Yoh and Anna got married. Yoh became Shaman King and Anna became Shaman Queen. The end, ta-dah, give me my paycheck NOW."

The audience glared at him. "Boo! Bad! BOO!"

"Yeah well, what are you going to do about it, huh?" snapped the Narrator.

Suddenly, the people in the audience whipped out their various weapons and torches, then began to chase the Narrator around the studio.

"AHHHHH!"

The REAL End

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Whew! That's it. I hope you liked it! Some of the characters were out-of-character, or OOC, but... oh well... Also, it was a tad awkward, like I mentioned earlier. Eh.

Amidamaru: I don't get it, how come I was screaming for practically the whole story? 

Manta: And how come the roles and genders were all messed up?  
  
Ren: And why in hell was I crying? I don't cry over opinions!  
  
-shoves them into a closet- Eee hee. -anime sweatdrop-


End file.
